What Would Be Left Of Them
by japril12
Summary: When Jackson and April's life gets turned upside down with the shooting they have to lean on each other. But the road to healing is a long way ahead.
1. Chapter 1

"Switch shifts with me," Jackson pleaded. It was something he wasn't really used to if he were being honest, pleading. Growing up, the way he did, it was more likely he'd have the thing he wanted before he even asked for it but he was desperate for the opportunity to be on Altman's service again.

He pushed past the double doors that lead away from the operating room and followed Charles down the hall.

"No way," Charles replied smugly in a way that he could never pull off naturally which made Jackson roll his eyes.

"Oh, come on nobody wants to be the on-call resident, nothing ever happens. No good cases, all you do is sleep," Jackson reasoned as convincingly as he could. He had to say he even believed himself. But it was a lie, at least at this hospital when they were working at Mercy West because of it ranking in trauma severity the more challenging cases were sent straight here.

"Nice try, Avery." They walked into the residents' lounge, Charles sat on one of the benches by the wall row of storage lockers while Jackson lingered by the door. "Altman is actually one of the good ones there's no chance I'm passing this one up."

Jackson narrowed his eyes at his friend; he wasn't making this as easy as he thought he would.

Eight months had passed since their group, along with a few others, had merged with another, greater metropolitan hospital, Seattle Grace. For a majority of them, it had been quite the transition but hadn't made much of an impression since his first day and then his grandfather had visited and everyone found out about his lineage. Jackson knew that he meant well but he had the amazing ability to criticize him even from a hospital bed. Ever since he had been coasting by.

He needed to get on another cardio service soon so he decided to for another plan of attack.

"I'm on General with Bailey," Jackson mentioned casually but studied Charles' reaction. He stopped fixing the laces on his old grubby sneakers and stilled. He knew that he was interested in general, set on it as a possible speciality but hadn't been on a general case for some time.

Charles stood up and walked towards him. "Okay, fine! But you owe me."

"I won't have to," Jackson cleared his throat just as Reed walked to towards them, just like he planned.

"Hey," she greeted. "What are you two losers doing?"

Charles laughed a little too hard and Jackson scratched his chin to hide his amusement.

"It's just a nice night for…for surgery," Charles glanced at the stack of charts in her hands. "And charting."

Reed gave him a baffled expression before walking off in another direction. Jackson doubled over laughing then not bothering to dodge the punch in the arm that Charles aimed at him.

"Are you ever going to do something about that?" he asked once he got a hold of himself. Reed wouldn't be able to hear them. Jackson knew that she would be on the same shift the next day. There was no way Charles would back out of this now.

"I am. I will," Charles blurted out. "I'm waiting for the right time."

* * *

The corners of April's eyes creased as she held onto the steering wheel with both hands. They had been stuck behind an SUV for ten minutes, the traffic downtown was crazy and factoring that in with the extra twenty minutes they had to even get to Seattle Grace Mercy West they would be cutting it close to get in before morning rounds today.

She honked her horn, it would do nothing but she did it anyway and then rolled down the window to let some air in.

"Would you stop tapping?" Reed demanded from the back seat.

"Hm?" Charles turned his head distractedly to the side.

"That thing with your hands, with your hand, on the dashboard." She reiterated, pushing her foot on the back of his seat. She did it a little too hard which made him brace forward

"Oh this?" his fingers hit against the warm plastic again, this time with a rhythm and April watched them both amused. She noticed the car in front of them was finally making traction and she focussed on the road ahead.

"You're so damn annoying, Charlie," Reed stated but her voice was light. He'd been like this in all the time she had known him.

They pulled into the hospital parking lot and walked towards the front entrance as quickly as they could to avoid being late.

"We need to move," Reed pulled her shirt over her head and stuffed it into her cubby.

April continued changing and sighed. "But I like our place."

"It's all the way across town and we have to carpool with the guys," Reed said and April sat down on one of the benches. "They leave things in the car all the time, you know I found a half-eaten taco wedged in the front seat like two days ago"

"What?" April stopped and they both turned and looked at Charles.

"Hey, don't look at me," Charles said. He had already changed into his scrubs and was fixing the collar of his lab coat.

"Just think about it okay," Reed pleaded tugging on April's sleeve. She suspiciously eyed Charles and then darted out of the room, passing by another resident who entered.

"You two you-" April sung once she knew Reed was gone. "You're like two kids on the playground "You're like two kids on the playground. It's cute."

"Cute is not what I was going for, April," he admitted as April got up from the bench and they made their exit.

"Well, honesty is never a bad idea," April said. Everyone in their little group knew how Charles felt about Reed. She had been rooting for them for a while.

"Kepner!" Chief Shepherd called out, a few brain scans in hand as he approached.

"Oh, um yes Chief I was right on my way to meet you," April stepped around her friend and followed him with her notebook in hand.

April would always be grateful for being given a second chance at being a surgeon. She would have never expected that the Chief would call and offer her job back to her.

It was great to be hired back after her mistake with her patient. She had another chance.

"So, I'm going to be in my office this morning, paperwork well more like awaiting a slow death," he told her with an air of disinterest. If April didn't know any better she would have thought he was bored. While being Chief of a renowned hospital was something that most of their peers sought after it wasn't a job that everyone could handle.

"You check on my post ops. At least one of us will have a good day today, huh?" he joked.

"Okay, right away Chief," April nodded.

* * *

Jackson crumpled up his coffee cup and threw it in a nearby waste bin. He'd been in the ER for hours and nothing good had come through yet. He had a feeling that Altman didn't like that he had ended up on her service instead of another resident. He almost thought that switching shifts was a bad idea until he got a heads up on an incoming trauma.

"What do we got?" Jackson asked as he pulled on a trauma gown and the paramedics got out with a man on a stretcher.

"Male, 36, GSW to the upper abdomen." The paramedic stated quickly, pushing the gurney up to the trauma doors. The man was visibly in pain but awake and responsive. "It was crazy apparently the dude got rear-ended and then he gets out and shoots him."

"What?" His head snapped up in disbelief.

"Am I gonna die?" he repeated breathlessly. The ER had picked up a lot of traffic in the last hour or so they had to manoeuvre through a lot of chaos to get him to an empty trauma room.

"Sir, sir," Jackson stopped to speak to him. "You're having trouble breathing because your lung is collapsed so I'm going to put a tube in your chest-"

"I-In my chest?" his face paled even more if that was possible.

"It's to help you breathe." Jackson reassured him before he started giving out instructions as Hunt and Altman breezed into the trauma room assessing him quickly and getting to work as well "Alright, I need gauze and an 18-gauge-needle."

He kept his head down as prepared to make an incision not even as a random woman burst through the door.

"Pete!" She cried as a nurse tried to hold her back. "Oh my God, Pete. What happened?"

Pete's chest heaved as he spoke. "This guy hit me. I stopped the car to give him my insurance card… I get out and he shoots me."

"Call an OR and tell them we're on our way," Teddy said.

"Please, please he's my husband." The woman pleaded hysterically to them the nurse still at her side. He was starting to look annoyed and tried to usher her out of the room.

"Let her say goodbye." Owen tried to stop him.

"Owen there's no time," Teddy argued but the woman took her chance before they could say anything else, approaching her husband cautiously.

"I love you, I love you. Don't die please."

Jackson finally made the cut and inserted the tube into his side and the sudden change in pressure caused blood to spurt out all over his trainers. "Chest tube secured."

Jackson lifted his head once he finished. They needed to get him to an operating room sooner rather than later. Pete started seizing and his wife's gasps were drowned out by the incessant beeping of the machine's.

"What's happening? Oh my God!"

"Get her out of here!" Teddy ordered. The nurse was able to push her out of the room and they didn't waste any time as they gripped the metal bars of the gurney and started on a run out the door.

* * *

"Hey, Courtney. How are you feeling today?" April asked with a bright smile when she entered the patient room.

The young woman in the bed was one of the post-ops she had been placed to monitor.

A tumour that had been extracted was small and they caught it early. Chief Shepherd had operated and since April was basically his protégé she had scrubbed in too. She had taken a liking to neurosurgery and was feeling much more confident about being back in the operating room as well. She just needed to be reminded why she wanted to be a doctor, after that everything else would fall into place.

"Like I took an axe to the head," she joked but April looked at her alarmed and proceeded to give her the once-over. "Dr Kepner chill out it was a joke, geez."

"You're sure about that? You know you're supposed to tell us if you're feeling any discomfort." April informed while she assessed.

A parent would not lose another child because of a mistake she could have avoided.

"I'm fine I promise." She said. "You doctors worry too much."

"If we didn't then we'd be of no use." April wrote down a few things her chart before placing it back on the shelf at the foot of the bed. "I'll see you again after rounds"

"You don't have to come back here. I'm fine!"

"After rounds!" she called over her shoulder.

* * *

April had finished her rounds and as promised was heading back upstairs to check on Courtney again. She would have to cut through the ER to get to the elevators and get back upstairs. April fished her notebook out of her pocket, scribbling as she walked through a supply area when they arrived at work the ER was bustling but the air was still now.

She lost her balance so quick she didn't even have a chance to brace her hands out in front of her. She caught her foot on something heavy and fell face first onto the floor.

"Ah," April wiped at her upper lip weakly, pulling her hand away from her face to see her fingers covered with blood. She pushed herself up with her other hand but the floor felt wet and sticky under her palm.

Blood. Too much blood. So much that it soaked into her scrubs and caused them to stick to her skin. She was still dazed from hitting her head so hard but she wasn't seeing things, her hands shook as she turned them both over and stared down at them and the floor to be confronted by a lifeless body. Her throat closed up when she saw where the blood had come from. Reed with a bullet hole in the middle of her forehead.

April didn't remember getting up from the floor. She didn't even remember walking out of the supply closet all she could see in her head was Reed. She got away as fast she could. Her best friend lying dead on the floor. They had only spoken face to face an hour ago and now she was dead. It wasn't clicking in her mind.

"Dr Kepner?" It was Shepherd. She had made it all the way back to his office. "April? What is it?"

"You know, I grew up on a farm… I grew up on a farm so b-blood doesn't bother me," April mumbled softly. "I slaughtered a pig once that was a lot of blood. Bleeding like a stuck pig. That's a saying, that means something but you don't think of people having that much blood - You learn in med school about how many pints we all have in us but you don't know until you see it. You don't get how much blood – and a skinny person and Reed oh my god she's almost anorexic, she's like five pounds, you wouldn't think she had that much blood but she did she did she did -"

"April, April, April!" He grabbed her face between his hands to stop her from saying anything else. "It's alright. You're in shock. Tell me what happened."

"Reed's dead," her voice broke when she said it out loud. "Someone shot her."

* * *

"How do you not know? You're the head of hospital security…" Derek muttered on the phone. They were still in his office because he had to inform the authorities about what was going on. He had handed her some clean scrubs to change into, her own still soaked in Reed's blood and faced away from her.

"Alright lockdown," April overheard as she tugged the shirt of the uniform over her head. He hung up and started toward her.

"Here," Derek took a napkin and wiped gently at the blood still on her face. "The police are almost here. I'm gonna leave you here. Are you gonna be okay by yourself?"

"You're leaving. you said that nobody leaves moves nobody breathes nobody breathes," her voice trembled.

"I'm the Chief. This is my hospital." He said but that didn't settle her fear. What did being Chief mean against a bullet?

"But what if you get shot?"

"I'll be right back. I'm the Chief." He left and shut the door behind him.

Pete had been on the operating table longer than most and it was still not looking good. The bullet had sliced through his heart and there was a lot of internal bleeding.

It was overwhelming but Jackson was keeping his head above water, following the instructions of the attendings to make sure this man would have a fighting chance. He'd been flying under the radar since the transfer so hopefully, now there would be a shift in that.

"I can't get control of this artery," Teddy said.

"He's crashing." Owen's voice is muffled by his face mask.

"I need more light and another clamp," Teddy said and one of the scrub nurses handed her the apparatus.

"How's it going in here?" His back was to him but Jackson recognised Shepherd's voice.

"Touch and go!"

"Avery, you got a second?" he asked. Jackson removed his hands from the patient and covered his gloves with a cloth before he went over to him.

"Has anybody checked their pager?

"No, we've been too busy."

"There's a shooter here in the hospital and I don't want you to say a word." He said and Jackson's eyes widened. "When the patient is stable I want you to tell Hunt and Altman that nobody gets out of here until they are told."

There's a shooter in the hospital?

"Can you handle this?"

"Yes, sir." He blinked.

"What did Shepherd want?" Owen asked. "Dr Avery?"

"Uh, nothing," Jackson lied smoothly. He took his place back next to Dr Altman. "Just wanted to know how long we'd be. He needs the OR next."

"Okay, get in here and suction around where Dr Altman is working."

He picked up the suction but his hands were shaking too much.

"Shaky hands, Dr Avery?" Owen noticed. "You won't make it as a surgeon unless you keep your hands steady."

He needed to hold it together. "Yes, sir."

* * *

April hadn't moved from where Derek had left her in his office. The lockdown was in full effect since she didn't see anyone walking around through the clear glass walls.

She felt too exposed standing. What if the shooter was up here? He could notice and shoot her right through the glass and it would be all over. April ducked down to hide underneath the desk, it obscured her from view but the position also meant that she couldn't see out of the back window clearly, a filing cabinet was blocking the way.

Propping her head up on her bent knee she closed her eyes and prayed that she'd make it out of this. That no one else would be hurt. That Derek would come back. She prayed they would make it out of this.

* * *

"OK, he's ready for transport."

"Jackson, get him up to ICU," Owen said as he untied his mask. The surgery was complete and Jackson had managed to make it through without saying anything, until now. "Start warming him up."

"I can't, sir."

"Excuse me?" he stopped at the door, brows creased. Jackson could feel everyone's eyes on him but stood his ground.

"We can't leave here. That's what Shepherd told me." He continued. "There's a shooter in the hospital. We're supposed to –

"There's a what?"

"Shepherd said –"

"This patient is hypothermic and I need to get him to an ICU, start warming him up before he starts to circle the drain."

"You didn't bother -"

"Shepherd said-"

"You didn't bother to mention this until now?"

"You already told me what Shepherd said!" Owen scolded. "Okay, I'll take him up myself. Everyone else, stay here."

"I'm coming." Teddy stepped forward.

"No, you stay put."

"I'm a cardiothoracic surgeon. He has a penetrating injury to his chest." She stated, unmoving. "You don't get a vote this time. I'm coming."

"Let's go."

"Please, please, please," April mumbled. She was still under the desk and hadn't moved an inch. She was desperate to check outside the window to see if Shephard had returned but was too scared to move.

It was still deathly quiet on the floor so her head snapped up when she heard voices from outside the office. April looked out from under the desk, her view was still hidden but she could see Derek. His back was to her but she was sure it was him.

She got out from her hiding place and rand out of the office. "Dr Shepherd! Thank God, you're back!"

He turned around and told her run but she didn't move. April stood frozen where she stood. The gunman was two feet in front of them, weapon pointed straight at them. It all seemed to happen in slow motion, the pulling of the trigger, the gunshot, Derek falling to the floor at the impact.

She wasn't ready to die.


	2. Chapter 2

April staggered forward while Derek laid gasping and bleeding out in front of her. He had been shot in the chest, blood spilling out from his wound. And now the gun was pointed at her.

April lifted her arms up either side of her head, clearly, so he wouldn't pull the trigger. She ran her tongue across her teeth and she couldn't stop shaking.

She wanted to live.

"My name is April Kepner. I'm 28 years old. I was born on April Ohio. I'm from Columbus, Ohio. My mom's a teacher and my dad is a farmer Corn. C-corn, he grows corn." She blinked repeatedly as she remembered what she used to call home. "Their names are Karen and Joe. I have three sisters! Libby's the oldest, I'm next and then there's Kimmie and Alice… I-I haven't done anything yet. I haven't," she gasped her eyes full of unshed tears. "I've barely lived. All I've done is- all I've done is win science fairs and go to medical school. I'm not finished yet. No one's loved me yet. Please, please. I'm someone's child. I'm a person. I'm a person."

His hand trembled, his finger still poised on the trigger and she was sure that he was going to pull it. That he didn't care about anything she had said, she was just as insignificant as she felt most of her life.

He gulped and then opened his mouth. "Run."

Her legs tensed with fear but pushed through and didn't look back.

* * *

"Why didn't you say something earlier?" one of the doctors, an anesthesiologist, demanded.

Jackson removed his surgical mask, it had still been tied loosely around his neck. He balled it up and tossed it on the floor. "It wasn't the time and the patient -"

The doctor marched up to him and "You don't have a family, people depending on you. How selfish can you be?"

"The Chief said that we had to stay here," Jackson repeated for what he felt like was the hundredth time, no one cared about that and he was starting to hate hearing that excuse too. "It was what was best for the patient!"

"Yeah, well we're all dead now thanks to you!"

"Just shut up both of you!" one of the scrub nurses spoke up, she was older and had enough of them both. "If you keep shouting the psycho with the gun will find us and I don't think it'll matter to him which one of you is right."

Jackson walked over to the other side of the room and rested on the tiled wall. The other doctor stayed stood where he was, glaring at him before doing the same going in the other direction. They're all quiet and for a few minutes, they could hear nothing but the sounds of their own breathing.

He uncrossed his arms and pushed off the wall when he heard voices coming from outside the operating room.

"It's creepy quiet down here."

"He's down here."

"No. He is not down here."

"God. He's down here and he's gonna come out and shoot us."

"Will you shut up?! You're freaking me out and I don't have time to be freaked out right now. Mer is a mess, Derek is a mess, you are a mess, and I am in charge. And I say that no one is down here."

Jackson poked his head out and saw Cristina and April. They screamed and covered their heads.

"Don't shoot, don't shoot!"

"You are not supposed to be walking around." He told them but he was relieved to see some familiar faces.

"Damn it, Jackson." Cristina straightened up and April followed, she looked terrified but at least she wasn't shot but when he noticed the blood on Cristina's scrubs.

"Is that your blood? Are you okay?"

"No, I'm fine." She waved him off and looked past him through the OR doors. "I'll go get Altman."

"Altman's not down here."

"Hunt?"

"They left." He said voice raised slightly.

"What, they left?!" she threw her hands up, frustrated. "OK, you know what? Someone shot Derek. He's got a GSW to the chest. He needs surgery now. Tell me there's an attending on this floor!"

"April, in the OR there are two OR nurses and an anesthesiologist. Get them." He clenched his jaw and stared at her, unblinking. "Tell them to set up for a cardiac procedure."

"What? Why? If we don't have a surgeon, what are we going to do?" April's eyes flitted between them, confused. No one was speaking and she didn't like being kept out of the loop normally so under these circumstances it had her feeling much worse.

"We have a surgeon."

"What? Who's gonna operate on Dr Shepherd?"

"I am," Cristina said.

Jackson watched Cristina walk back from where she came to the other OR across the way. They needed nurses, a few extra hands for what they were about to do and even then, it would be a huge risk.

It was unbelievable how quickly the events of the day had turned. Only a few hours ago, Derek had told him that there was a shooter in the hospital and now April, Cristina and himself were challenged with the great task of removing a gunshot wound from his chest.

Now only he and April stood alone in the deserted hallway. Jackson regarded her carefully. He knew that she was scared but he wasn't used to her being so quiet.

She wasn't wearing the usual sky blue resident scrubs instead she dressed in the attending navy and she wasn't as level-headed as Cristina was at the moment.

"April?" he asked, bending down a little to look her directly in the eyes. If they were going to do this then they all needed to stay focused.

"Reed's dead," she finally looked at him and her words almost didn't register in his brain.

Jackson opened his mouth to reply but was taken aback when April wrapped her arms around his torso and pressed her face into the material of his shirt. It had been sticking to his skin since Shepard told him about the gunman.

"I'm so glad that you're okay," April muttered into his scrub top. She disappeared through the doors to where Cristina had gone.

Reed was dead.

April returned with the two scrub nurses. He didn't recognise either of them she could tell it bothered him but there was no time to worry about that now.

She was out of her mind when she found Reed, lying dead and bloody on the floor. Cristina had to shake her to get her out of it.

"When did you find out about Reed?" Jackson asked. He let her go first through the door to the washroom.

"It was after rounds I uh I..." She sniffed but didn't say anything more. They checked through the window to see nurses set up the OR for the procedure while the anesthesiologist worked on putting Derek under. They scrubbed in and then entered the OR.

Derek released a harsh breath as they took in his pale face. "So Kepner you're finally getting out from under my shadow…I knew this day would come, just didn't think it would be…so soon." he joked, his voice hoarse.

"Cristina is going to be your surgeon. We'll only be assisting," April knew he was joking but it felt wrong. He was lying on an operating table when a few hours ago he was perfectly healthy, just like Reed.

She nodded at Jackson before walking out to get Cristina. She was stood at the sink with Meredith but she wasn't acknowledging her anymore.

"We're ready for you."

"April, Meredith is going to sit here on the floor. I want you to stay with her." Cristina instructed, looking straight ahead. "If she tries to enter my OR, or even if she looks like she's gonna get up to take a peek, I want you to stop her. I don't care how you stop her."

"Okay." April nodded.

Cristina stepped around them but Meredith wasn't finished. "He is my husband."

"Do you want me to kill him? Is that what you want?!" Cristina snapped. "I will do my very best work but please, Meredith, I am begging you, sit down and wait."

She left them in the silence and the door closed behind her.

Meredith stood in her spot, staring at the closed sliding door dejected. April wasn't sure how to approach this she hadn't interacted with her very much and she didn't seem like a person who took orders well. Meredith flung her arm out, it smacked against her thigh as she planted herself on the floor underneath the sink.

April glanced through the window to the OR and watched Cristina and Jackson work on Derek. Cristina's movements were thorough and careful while Jackson assisted. She didn't know how they could hold it together so well when everything was falling apart at the seams.

They sat side by side on the floor not saying anything for what felt like hours. It was always in the back of her mind that the shooter could come back, no one had come for them and the lockdown was still on.

Apartments. That's the last thing that she and Reed were talking about, thinking that they'd have all the time in the world. Reed was the first real friend that April had ever had, only always ever told that she was annoying and too much and she remembered that she and Reed didn't start out liking one another. Being interns in one of the most competitive surgical programs in the country had meant that people had created more enemies than allies at first meeting.

Reed didn't like April because she was constantly ahead of the class and April didn't understand why she was always so short with her but she didn't think much of it since she was used to it from everyone. The first year was so important anyway so she tried not to let it bring her down and focussed on the medicine. It wasn't until a few weeks into the internship where they saw each other in a different light.

Beside her Meredith was talking about how long it took to find Derek, to find someone to spend her life with. Her husband is lying on a metal table in the next room and she shouldn't be crying, it wasn't about her and Meredith was right but April wasn't trying to make it about her at all.

She nodded and sucked in her tears, her breath hitching. "Reed was my best friend. And she died today."

Meredith dropped her arm onto her knee which was propped up beside April's and stretched out her hand. April covered her palm with hers and bowed her head.

* * *

"Do you feel anything? Can you see where the blood's coming from?" Jackson asked.

"Not yet," Cristina answered quickly. "Damn it, I can't see anything. Give me some suction." Jackson picked up the tool and cleared the area to give her better visualisation. "No, no, no, no, no It's right by to the aorta."

"You can do this." He assured, there was no one else. She had to.

"I know that," Cristina said, although her usual confident tone sounded shaken. "I just wanted it to be easy. Not the hardest freaking repair in the history of the world! I don't know what to do."

That's not what anyone needed to hear right now.

"There's massive bleeding in the lungs. There is a bullet lodged right next to the aorta and a huge hematoma." She rattled off and then opened her mouth in a whisper. "Would Teddy use a graft - or clamp and sew?"

He wasn't sure but while being on Altman's service he had picked up on a few things. "I think she'd –"

"Pig or cow," Cristina whispered again.

"What?"

"Pig or cow, Cristina? Clamp and sew." She nodded with an assurance that he picked up on. "Definitely clamp and sew. Give me a clamp."

"Badass."

A clamp and sew procedure would be a risky, especially with the gravity of the injury but they had no other options and even less time. Jackson passed her the clamp, his hands steady. He knew that this was their best chance.

They worked together soundlessly after that, with Cristina taking the lead and muttering instructions when needed. He hadn't cracked under the pressure yet and was doing well but the pressure was an aspect of life that he was used to. Of course, this was a vastly different experience from expectations from his stuffy family but it was testing his limits all the same.

Jackson had managed to stop the bleeding, draining the haemorrhage to relive the pressure in his chest while Cristina worked on the repair. It was such intricate work that needed great concentration, they were sure that because of the hospital lockdown they would have the chance to patch-up his wound before anyone came for them.

"Is that him?"

Jackson looked up at where the voice had come from, no one was supposed to be down here, especially someone who wasn't hospital personnel but once he saw the gun he knew why this man was here. Everyone else had paused but Cristina hadn't stopped working, too focussed saving Derek.

He approached them menacingly but Jackson hadn't taken his attention of the gun in his hand once

"Sir, we –"

"Be quiet!" He shouted, his eyes glued to Derek on the table and Cristina flinched. "That's him. That's Shepherd."

"Sir -"

"Stop trying to fix him! He deserves to be in pain." He walked forward and jammed the barrel of the gun against Cristina's temple. "He deserves to die!"

"Whoa, just calm down. Calm down." Owen appeared suddenly in the doorway. "Tell me what the problem is."

"Owen," Cristina hadn't taken her hands out of the chest cavity but tears were falling down her face.

"I'm here."

He pressed the gun at her head again. "Owen"

"Hold on!" Owen tried to distract him. "Talk to me."

"Stop fixing him. Let him die. Let him lie there and die. Do you want me to shoot you?" he threatened. "Stop fixing him!"

"No."

"Cristina," Owen warned.

"No," Cristina repeated, still crying. "Jackson, clamp the hilum so we get control of haemorrhage, - so I can get visualization."

"Don't you dare."

"Clamp the hilum so I can see." Cristina sobbed at the same time Owen stepped forward. It was the perfect distraction, allowing Jackson to do as she said. Bohkee, one of the scrub nurses, passed him the clamp before the gunman saw them.

"You stay back. You stay back."

"Owen, I can't stop. I have to…"

"I know. Just keep going. Keep going."

"You stop or I will shoot you."

"Hey! That is the woman I love. If you shoot her, touch her, I will kill you!"

"And I said stay back. Maybe I shoot you first. I shoot you and then I shoot her and then I shoot Shepherd. Is that what you want?" he asked. "I didn't come here for this. My wife is dead. He's responsible. I came here for justice. An eye for an eye. The only person I want in this room is Shepherd. Now back off! And you step away from that table."

"Please. Shoot me." Meredith spoke up. It was like she came out of nowhere, materialising in front of them. "You want justice, right? Your wife died. I know what happened. Derek told me the story. Lexie Grey pulled the plug on your wife, she's my sister. Dr Webber? He was your wife's doctor. I'm the closest thing he has to a daughter. The man on the table, I'm his wife. If you want to hurt them the way that you hurt shoot me. I'm your "eye for an eye."

Jackson wanted to shake his head but refrained. He didn't want him to shoot anyone else, that was something that he wasn't going to entertain. He had a plan and they were going to get out of here alive.

"Meredith,"

"You tell Derek that I love him and that I'm sorry."

"Meredith, wait! She's pregnant." Cristina blurted out desperately. "You wouldn't shoot a woman who's pregnant? Please."

Owen lunged at him then but he was faster and pulled the trigger before he could touch him. The bullet him in the shoulder and he flew back and hit the floor. Jackson unclipped the heart wires that connected to the monitor and lifted his hands.

"No! No! - No!" Cristina yelled.

"Raise your hands," Jackson ordered. "Trust me, raise your hands. He's going to shoot again, raise your hands!

Cristina did as he said and dropped the instruments. "I'm stopping!"

"No!" Meredith cried.

"See? I've stopped."

"Listen to me," Jackson said. "In a few seconds, his heart is going to pump blood into his chest and stop beating. You'll see it on the monitor. Just wait. Wait for it. Watch the monitor and wait for it."

"Please, don't stop!" Meredith begged them.

"Shut up!" Jackson shouted.

"No, no. No! Derek! No, no, no." Meredith fell to the floor, broken.

"See? It's over." Cristina told him. "It's over. He's dead. It's over.

"No! Derek!"

Satisfied that Shepherd was dead and gone, he lowered his weapon and finally left.

"Give me a 4-0 pledgeted suture," Cristina instructed. "Jackson, get me his vitals."

"Got a pulse of 128. BP's cycling."

"Mer? Is Owen dead?" She asked over her shoulder. Meredith didn't answer right away. "Dr Grey! Is Owen dead?!"

She crawled over to where Owen was passed out on the floor and listened for breathing. "He's alive. He's alive. He's unconscious, but he's alive."

"Take Owen to the OR across the way and take that bullet out. Get April to help you."

"Cristina?"

"I can't talk now. I'm trying to save your guy, now please go and try and save mine."

Meredith went back to get April as they continued to work. Cristina glanced up at Jackson once she was gone. "Remind me to thank you later."

"I will."

"I'm almost done, just finishing up the pericardial repair," Cristina informed the room. April and Meredith had finished extracting the bullet from Owen's shoulder and had quickly run back in to help in any way they could. Meredith was told to stand behind her husband and not touch anything.

Jackson removed his hands from Derek's chest and waited but his heart started to throb erratically. "V-fib!"

"Give me the internal paddles!" Cristina gestured over to them and April hurried over to unravel the long metal from their wires.

"Give me one of epi," Jackson asked the nurse.

"April, you got it?"

"Yep." April passed them over and she took the paddles from her hands, enclosing the cups around Derek's exposed heart.

"Charge to 50."

"Epi going in."

"Charge again to 50."

"Clear." They stood back again and held their breath.

Jackson stared at the screen until the familiar peaks appeared on the monitor. "We got him."

* * *

"Are you okay?" April asked even though she knew Meredith was far from it. Everything was okay now but they had her sit out from helping them with Derek, Cristina didn't want her anywhere near the OR while they all worked on him. She must have felt so helpless.

Meredith had brushed off April's concerns before, her husband had just been shot and Owen needed to be fixed but hopefully, she'd be more receptive now.

"I um, need pants," Meredith croaked. The blood had dried and it was starting to make her thighs itch.

"I have some extra scrub pants in my cubby, in the lounge,"

They walked the short distance to the resident's lounge and when they entered the room April approached her cubby and pulled out the scrub pants she kept at the back of the small space. Meredith still planted in open doorway when she turned around and handed them to her.

"April, you don't have to stay here with me."

"No no, it's fine. I can stay," April replied. Jackson and Cristina were closing so she wasn't really needed.

Meredith didn't argue and walked to the single bathroom in the corner. She then stopped halfway and spun to back to April.

"Thank you."

April gave her a tight smile in return.

* * *

They were allowed to leave the hospital a few hours later. Jackson found April in the resident's lounge after he, Cristina and the nurses finished working on Shepherd. He had been at the on his feet for hours and he hadn't spoken to his roommate since yesterday morning.

He had asked around for him after the lockdown had been overturned and he'd seem the rest of their resident class wandering around but he didn't receive any answers. He already knew that Reed wasn't coming back with them.

"Where are you going?" April asked with her voice trembling slightly.

"We need to find Charles and then we can go," Jackson said. He didn't want to be here any longer than he had to. There was a smattering of people outside, a few officers and he could see the last of the ambulances with the urgent care patients that were being taken to Seattle Presbyterian.

Jackson finally spotted an official checkpoint station, there were people with clipboards and papers standing behind several tables. "Over there, come on."

"Do you know if Charles Percy made it out?"

"Percy?" she didn't look at him as she busily searched for the name on the list. Her face told what he needed to know. "I'm sorry. He didn't make it."


	3. Chapter 3

April and Jackson entered April's apartment building a little while later. They both had to stay behind at the hospital, talk to the police and make statements.

He watched her toss her keys into the small dish atop a table by the door and then stared down at his shoes. They were still covered in blood from the patient he had from this morning, the one who got shot right outside the hospital. He stepped inside and closed the door behind him.

"Can I use your bathroom?" he asked.

"Sure, yeah," April said quietly, pushing her hair out of her face. "Down the hall. Third door on –"

"Yeah, I remember," he said.

He made his way over to the bathroom but on his way over to the door, he got his feet caught on a cardboard box that was lying close by. He caught himself on the wall before he could do any real damage but the contents spilt out on the hardwood floor.

"Sorry."

"No, it's okay. This isn't- Reed was supposed to…" April began but her words get caught in her throat. Jackson saw the unshed tears in her eyes but April blinked them back and quickly moved to the floor to pick up the items.

April didn't want to cry. She had been crying ever since she had found Reed in the supply closet. She picked up the box and held it to her chest.

She could tell that he didn't know what to say but she turned away before he could open his mouth again. It was awkward and April didn't want to make it worse. He waited a second before he walked down the hall and April heard the door click softly behind him.

With one hand still clutching the cardboard, she brushed the leather surface of one of the binders inside with her fingers but then her whole hand started to shake. The box fell to the floor again, this time worn down cardboard split down the side but April didn't notice all she could hear was her rapid heartbeat between her ears.

The room was smaller than he remembered it being, the last time he'd been here was for April's birthday. Reed was horrified that she'd never had a birthday party before and had him and Charles into throwing one for her.

Jackson washed his hands and face in the sink. He rested an elbow on the cool surface of to steady himself once he was finished and caught his reflection in the mirror. He was worn out, the bags under his eyes from the night shift easily showed his exhaustion. The last 12 hours were a whirlwind, it was surprising he was able to keep it together for so long.

He was about to reach for a towel to dry his face when heard a faint crashing sound.

"April?"

There was no response and given everything that had happened today it was enough to get him worried. Forgetting about the droplets of water on his face, he left the bathroom and found April in the living room, still standing on the spot that he'd left her in.

"April," Jackson approached her in seconds. He touched her arm to get her attention but she flinched and pushed him away, shaking her head. His brows creased in confusion. "Hey, Apr- April what's wrong?"

"Ah, I…I…" April gasped her hand over her chest.

She tried to speak but her mouth couldn't form words, her heart was still hammering in her chest and as much as she tried she couldn't stop crying. It was horrible. She dug her nails into her forearm and willed her lungs to expand to get some air, but even that felt impossible. The air only coming from her mouth in small, uneven puffs. The thought that she was dying was playing over and over in her mind. She was dying. It felt like she was going to die.

He'd never seen anyone like this before but she was clearly distressed. He had to calm her down. She had pushed him away previously so he got closer, invading her space. April wasn't fighting him off anymore but he needed her to listen to him.

"April- just-" Jackson held her by the cheeks so she would look at him, the tears were flowing fully now. His voice softened as he spoke. "You're safe okay, look at me, we're safe. This is a panic attack. Just take deep breaths. You have to breathe."

The coolness of his hands on her face distracted her enough so she could concentrate on his presence and not her thoughts.

"I can't—Reed, she's-" she hiccupped, still crying but he wrapped his arms around her shoulders and held onto her tightly.

"April, you're safe. I promise," he said calmingly, hoping that she would listen to him.

She let the tension in her muscles go and tried to take slow, deep breaths like he said. April felt her heartbeat return to normal but she still couldn't quell the uneasiness she felt in the pit of her stomach by being in this apartment.

Jackson ducked his head and moved closer, wiping her top lip with the back of the sleeve of his hoodie.

"Your nose is bleeding," he explained.

Her hand flew to her face and she winced at the soreness as she pressed down on the skin. She hit her nose when she tripped over Reed's body. The adrenaline was gone now and the pain was setting in.

"I can't stay here." She whispered, looking up at him.

"Alright, um, I can pack a bag." He dropped her hand and rubbed her shoulder. She didn't seem like she was up for doing much of anything. "We can stay at a hotel tonight."

* * *

She fell asleep in the car as soon as they were back on the road. He would glance at April out of the corner of his eye every now and again but she didn't stir, staying curled up in the passenger seat next to him. The panic attack had drained what was left of her energy.

He forced his concentration back on the road, loosening his grip on the wheel. April was right about not staying in their apartments. They didn't need another disaster happening to them for a long time.

Even when he drove back to his place to collect a few things for himself it felt weird being in a place where someone he knew used to live. Charles' dirty plates from breakfast this morning were still left on the counter and when he passed by his bedroom the door was open and he could make out his unmade bed through the gap.

Jackson didn't believe in ghosts or spirits or anything ridiculous like that. When you were dead, you were gone but he couldn't shake the feeling of guilt that had been creeping up on him since he found out from that list that Charles didn't make it. It was hanging over him like a dead weight.

Their friend wouldn't be coming back. If he hadn't asked him to switch shifts then maybe he would still be here, alive. What the hell had he done?

The sun was lost behind large pillows of dark clouds as the soft sounds of rain hitting the windshield set in. Jackson took his hand off the steering wheel and reached across the dashboard to unlock his phone from where it was cradled in its holder.

She picked up on the first ring. "Hey, Mom."

"Jackson! Oh, you're okay. Thank God." Her voice came through shaky but he heard her loudly enough, actually, he was surprised April didn't wake up.

"Yeah, I'm okay." He said, glancing at April again. "Mom, I'm fine."

"You scared me half to death, Jackson Avery," Catherine scolded. He was her only child, the thought of losing him was unbearable. "Don't you ever do that again. You have a phone for a reason, I expect you to pick it up."

"I couldn't-"

"You're lucky I'm halfway across the world." She threatened, trying to sound tough but her voice caught in her throat. Jackson pressed his lips together and nodded even though she wasn't in the car with him. She was currently standing alone in a conference room at a Harper Avery hospital in London. The foundation sent her over there to oversee some kind of funding or research but once she heard the new she forgot all about that. "I should come back."

"Mom, you don't need to do that, seriously. I said I was fine." Jackson stated firmly.

"Jackson-"

"I'm alright," he paused, raising his eyebrows and looking out of the window. "I'm alive."

"Yes, I know that now since you found the consideration to pick up the phone and call me." Catherine sniped. "Is April alright? How are your friends?"

April shifted in her seat but didn't wake up. "April's okay. Charles and Reed didn't make it."

"Jackson, I'm so sorry." She said softly, she could be there faster than most. "I should come."

The rain wasn't letting up and the clouds grew darker up above. It was over, he had made it out with his life and she had important work to do. There was no point coming to check on him if he was alright and she would just have to fly back again. "Mom I'm okay. Grandpa would be pissed if you left right in the middle of things, just to see me."

"That's a horrible thing to say, Jackson," Catherine muttered. "No, he would not."

He rolled his eyes and cut the ignition as he parked the car outside the hotel. "That's debatable."

"He wants the best for you, which maybe you would realise if you listened to him and stayed in Boston. We wouldn't be having this conversation now if you had." She ranted and Jackson was not in the mood for a lecturing, especially after today. "What kind of hospital are you learning in? Where a crazed gunman can come in off the street and shoot you. Something like this would have never happened at Mass Gen."

"Okay, yeah," He was wondering when the Jackson-the-disappointment lecture would start. The timing was impeccable as it was predictable. "I gotta go. I'll talk to you later, Mom."

They said their goodbyes and she had him promise that he would talk to her soon.

"Hey, we're here." He lightly tapped her shoulder and watched her eyelids flutter open. "Wake up."

"Hmm," April slowly sat up and stretched her limbs, humming but her eyes bugged out of her head when she noticed where they were. "The Four Seasons, Jackson really? I can't afford that."

"Well, I can." Jackson opened his door to get out and grabbed the bags he packed. A hotel was a hotel and at least they would be promised a higher level of comfort here. "It's not a big deal, come on."

April grasped the handle did the same and followed behind him. The doorman greeted the both of by the tip of his hat and pulled the glass door open for the two of them, she managed to give him a weak acknowledgement in return but that was all she could muster.

The lobby was sleek and modern with white and grey wood panelling and high ceilings. There were long white couches placed along the walls under various pieces of high-end artwork.

"How much is this place a night?" she asked, finally tearing her gaze from the walls. Everything looked so expensive.

"I don't know. A lot." They passed an entire wall made of glass before they reached a long, white desk.

"Jackson!" she whispered harshly and then shut her mouth once they reached the front desk.

"Ah, Dr Avery, nice to see you again." A man behind the desk smiled for slightly too long April noticed. He regarded their state of dress, they were still in their scrubs. "Is there a convention happening that I don't know about?"

"No, we're not here on business," Jackson explained smoothly, taking out his credit card from his wallet and slid it across the pristine surface.

"Alright." He answered, tapping at the keyboard while his face was glued to the screen. "Are you staying in your usual suite?"

He swiped the plastic through the machine then handed it back over to him. "Yes, thank you."

April nudged his bicep with the back of her hand, taken aback. "You have a suite?"

"I lived here for a while before I moved in with Charles," Jackson said when he noticed her expression.

She didn't say anything more after that, she still thought that staying at such an expensive hotel was ridiculous but he already checked them in and she really didn't want to be alone tonight. A bell boy came up behind them to take their bags. When they got to the top floor Jackson slid the key card into the slot in and pushed it open.

It wasn't just a simple hotel room; the space was more like an apartment as they stepped into the living room. It led out to a balcony that looked over Elliot Bay. There was also a huge bathroom, a dining area and bedroom.

"The bed is back there if you want to sleep." Jackson pointed behind her, just as their bags arrived.

"I'm not really tired anymore. I just want to take a shower." April said picking up her bag, messing with the strap in her hands and then met his gaze. "Thank you for staying, for doing this I mean, you didn't have to."

"We're friends, April. I wanted to." He told her at the same time the bell boy left. April took her phone out of her pocket and placed it on a nearby table.

"Just thank you." She gestured behind her, asking if she was going the right way to the bathroom and he nodded.

April's phone vibrated on the table a few minutes after she was gone. He wouldn't have picked it up but he the screen was filled with notifications that she had several missed calls, mostly from her mother. "Hello?"

"Who is this? Where's April?" It sounded like April's mom asked, fearful and shaky. She must have been thinking the worst. "Oh no."

"April's – she's fine, she in the shower," Jackson replied quickly, it sounded like she was going to have a breakdown. He didn't mention the panic attack, wasn't his place and he didn't feel comfortable disclosing it. "They just let us leave the hospital. She's okay."

Her breath evened out once he got the news out.

"Oh, thank God. Thank God," she whispered, there were some muffled sounds followed by another voice. "April's alive, she's alright Joe."

"Who is this?" He assumed it was her father, his tone was more controlled and deep but he sensed the emotion behind it. It must have been her father.

"Jackson. Jackson Avery. We work together, at the hospital I-"

"Jackson," Joe interrupted, sounding more relaxed. "She's mentioned you before, you were interns together."

"Yes, sir we were."

* * *

He stared at the call log after they ended the phone call. Reed was her speed dial number one and then her mother, there wasn't anyone else after that. Her best friend was dead and her family lived over two-thousand miles away. April had no one else. They were all the other had in this city now.

His fingers moved across the glass before he even processed the thoughtfully, tapping at the keys to replace Reed's contact placement in the speed dial with his.

The water shut off and April appeared, her hair slicked down and tucked behind her ears still wet from the shower. She was wearing a robe, the material practically dwarfing her small frame.

"Your parents called." Jackson approached and handed her the device. "I answered, I didn't know if that was okay. They're worried about you."

"No, I- it's okay. I'll call them back I will I just-" April blinked hard and held her phone tightly in her hand. "They'll want to know everything and I feel like if I talk about it I'll freak out again."

"Right," he didn't want to see like that again anytime soon.

April swiped her fingers across the screen and answered a few texts from her family, telling them that she was fine and they would speak tomorrow.

Jackson moved past her to use the bathroom himself. When he got out of the shower April was lying on one side of the bed, asleep on top of the covers in flannel pyjama bottoms and a plain white top with random, colourful pattern running up the side. They clearly weren't from the same set but she wore them anyway. He grabbed whatever out of her closet, he didn't check to see if it matched or not but he found it amusing that she didn't say anything about it.

He slipped into bed without waking her up and tried to shut the rest of the world out for a few hours.

* * *

April awoke with a jolt, almost falling off the bed once she realised what was happening. She fell asleep on top of the covers and someone was pulling them off. Jackson screamed loudly beside her and she turned to her side to see him thrashing around wildly, with his eyes were closed.

She sat up, her knees digging into the mattress as she leaned over him. The covers dropped to his waist and she put her hands on his shoulders.

"Jackson, hey Jackson! Jackson, stop!" April tried to wake him up. He tossed his back, still screaming until she pushed at him with a little more force.

She could make out the whites of his eyes in the low light. "Charles. Where's Charles?"

"No, it's April." She said, he was starting to scare her. "Jackson, what was that about? Are you okay?

He looked around him and cleared his throat slowly sitting up, sweaty and sick. "Uh, nothing I'm fine." Jackson pushed the covers all the way off him and planted his feet on the floor. His heart was still racing, everything about that nightmare felt so real. "Sorry."

"I'm going to go and sleep on the couch." He said, getting up.

"You don't have to. What just happened?" she asked curiously. He was there for her, she wanted to do the same for him.

"It was nothing, April." Jackson stopped in the doorway, he wasn't even sure he knew what that was so he wasn't about to start talking about it. "Goodnight."

"Okay, goodnight Jackson."


End file.
